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Posted by ukcatfannfl (Member # 1425) on 05-02-2023, 07:52 AM:

Democratic Senators are considering introducing legislation that will provide new benefits for many more Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills and ambition.

“Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,” said VP Kamala Harris. “We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.”

In a Capitol Hill press conference, Nancy Pelosi pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring persons with No Ability (63 percent). Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as “Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?”

“As a non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,” said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the Toyota plant in Georgetown, KY due to her inability to remember “righty tightly, lefty loosey”. “This new law should be real good for people like me. I’ll finally have job security.” With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Sen. Dick Durbin, II: “As a senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and good salary for doing so.”

NOTE: This message was approved by Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Diane Feinstein, Kamala Harris, Maxine Waters, Cory Booker, Bernie Sanders, Chuck Schumer, Jeff Flake, Chris Van Hollen, Elizabeth Warren & Nancy Pelosi and don't forget Joe Biden........ all of whom certainly are: Americans With No Abilities.

Posted by Tiptree (Member # 844) on 05-02-2023, 03:21 PM:

This would be knee-slapping funny 20 years ago. Today, it is altogether plausible.

Sad times.

Posted by Bama Cat (Member # 153) on 05-02-2023, 06:31 PM:

Phew! I thought this was for real till I got about half way thru it. Shame on you for picking on people like me? [Eek!]

Posted by m hamilton (Member # 127) on 05-03-2023, 06:17 AM:

When I started the job I now have, 33 years ago, I had no skill as to the different requirements of the job. Somedays I weld, Somedays I turn wrenches, some days I troubleshoot, some days I paint. What I did have going for me was drive, willingness to learn, excitement for what different task lies ahead of me today. Some days you have to remind yourself righty tighty, lefty loosey. Throw a real wrench in the gears and throw a left handed threaded bolt into the mess.

To honor someone who doesn't even care to try brings us back to the participation trophy. There's a reason why they give a trophy for 1st place, BEACUSE YOU EARNED IT!

Posted by Old Norm (Member # 1482) on 05-03-2023, 12:40 PM:

I grew up on a farm. If you have no skills there, you had best develop some! At age 22, I received a draft notice. Didn't want any Army, so enlisted in the Air Force. They sent me to lots of school, but the job I learned best, was operating a floor buffer!

Posted by m hamilton (Member # 127) on 05-04-2023, 05:45 AM:

I grew up on a tobacco farm. I became a really good Hoe operator.

Posted by country cat (Member # 1774) on 05-04-2023, 03:41 PM:

the truth is i could plow a mule before i could ride a bike---mules we had at 13 i got my first bike---me and 4 other brothers